The Completely Unnecessary Improvement on the Bacon Explosion

Update 2/21/09
Please see our "failed" attempt to Go Big with this 28-lb Porkapotamus.

February 7, 2009 — Atlanta, Georgia

Three weeks ago, I made a Bacon Explosion. I found it interesting and delicious, but not really BOLD enough, given its title.

Granted, the weaving of bacon into a meat-skin to wrap more meat in is brilliant, but as a lover of stromboli, burritos, egg rolls, crepes, cha gio and all things wrapped and rolled, I knew there was an unexplored world of trouble lurking inside this culinary chimera: a greater variety of meats, roasted peppers, cheeses, pastry or pizza dough—not to mention experimentatal gigantism or alternative cooking methods.

So, for Super Bowl Sunday, I created the Porkapotamus: a 10-pound meat fist of bacon rolled up around five pork products: sausage, ham, pork tenderloin, pulled pork, and more bacon.

Here's how it all went down:

The Bacon Matrix

1. The Bacon Matrix™ alone required 3lbs of raw bacon, resulting in an 18” x 24” lattice—the largest that would fit in our oven.


Porkapotamus Layers

2. Here we’ve added 2lbs of Italian sausage, seasoned with my own Cajon rub, 1.5 lbs Dietz & Watson Black Forest ham, 1lb of crisp bacon, 1lb of pulled pork from Fox Bros BBQ, a 2lb pork tenderloin and BBQ sauce. Keeping my 90-lb Doberman at a safe distance was challenging, to say the least.


Prepared Porkapotamus

3. All wrapped up, the Porkapotamus weighs over 10lbs. I am concerned about healthcare-related liability…will our friends sue?

 Porkapotamus Close-up

4. Close up. Smells like…Victory.


Cooked Porkapotamus

5. Behold! (Serves 18-20 famished linebackers.)